Supporting Emotional Self-Regulation

Self-regulation involves children developing the ability to regulate their emotions, thoughts and behaviour.

Many children need support to identify, label and communicate their feelings as well as understanding and managing their emotional responses.

How can children learn to emotionally self- regulate?

When a child is upset, they need to be supported through co-regulation – which means a supportive adult needs to work together with the child to manage their emotions and think about the situation.

How can supportive adults practice co-regulation?

In a situation where the child is struggling to manage strong emotions, the main steps involved in co-regulation include:

1. The adult pausing and self regulating their own emotions (e.g. by taking a big deep breath)
2. The adult validates the child’s feelings (e.g. saying ‘I understand you are….’ upset / frustrated / angry etc)
3. The adults waits on the child’s response
4. Based on available evidence of the situation and what is available in the environment, the adult supports the child to regulate their emotions through modelling, verbally prompting or providing the most appropriate way to regulate (e.g. modelling deep breathing; suggesting a walk or run outside; listening to soothing music etc).

Children need repeated experiences of co-regulation to learn and develop their own self-regulation skills. Co-regulation can help children start to monitor their own feelings and decide on coping strategies to calm themselves (this eventually progresses to self-regulation).

Self-regulation is a vital skill for children in the Early Years to develop, as it not only shapes their immediate experiences but also lays the groundwork for their future emotional intelligence, academic success, and positive social interactions. Providing support and guidance to help children build these essential skills during the early childhood can have a lasting and positive impact on their overall development and wellbeing.

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Neurodiversity and self-regulation

All children develop at their own pace, and neurodivergent traits can play a role in the child’s development of self-regulation.

The following are some key areas to consider:

• Sensory processing: many neurodivergent children experience sensory sensitivities or differences in sensory processing. This can significantly impact their emotional responses and self-regulation. For example, children might become overwhelmed by sensory stimuli, leading to stress responses.

• Coping strategies: neurodivergent children often develop unique coping strategies such as using stimming (repetitive movements or sounds) to self-soothe, while others might need structured routines to feel secure.

• Emotional intensity: neurodivergent children might experience emotions intensely, which can influence their self-regulation.

Supporting Emotional Understanding & Self-Regulation

Neurodivergent children can be helped by providing sensory-friendly spaces; respecting individual communication styles; and acknowledging different ways of processing emotions. Creating a nurturing atmosphere can allow neurodivergent children to develop effective self-regulation skills.

This guide from the Anna Freud Centre provides a selection of play-based activities to support emotional regulation.

The use of visual tools, such as communication boards, emotion thermometers, scales and colour coding can help students to identify emotions, the intensity of the emotion and whether that emotion is helpful or unhelpful.

Talk with children throughout the day about emotions – Talking about how people might feel in different situations can help children understand the different contexts of feelings and that all people have feelings. For example, when reading books to children, label the characters’ emotions and point out the facial expression and body language of the characters in books. Ask questions like, “Why do you think she felt that way?” or “ How could you tell he was feeling sad?”.